Title: My Only Love
Fandom: Versailles
Rating: Explicit
Genre: Drama
Word Count: 1923
Chapters: 6/6
Characters/pairing: Fabien Marchal/Sophie de Clermont.
Warnings: Torture, Bondage, Choking, Knife play, Rough sex
Summary: Estranged from Fabien, Sophie returns to Versailles, continuing her work as his spy. When Fabien decides to play a long game with Sophie as pawn, the hopes of them finding each other again, gets dangerously close to be permanently shattered. A sequel to Falling.

Sophie’s sleep was deep, and she didn’t wake until Fabien touched her arm to rouse her. She felt she must have slept for a long time, but it was still dark outside, so dawn must still be hours away. Fabien lit the candle by her bed with his own before he sat down at the bedside. If he had looked tired before, he now looked haggard, his face pale, and with dark shadows underneath his eyes. But he smelled freshly of soap and he had changed his shirt. Sophie sat up and gathered her bedclothes around her against the night chill. Fabien reached inside his doublet and removed a small object.

“I have something for you. It arrived earlier today, but there was no time to give it to you until now.”

He gave her a small case in polished wood, about as big as her two hands together. When Sophie opened it she saw it contained a drawing of a sleeping child. It looked simple enough, the artist had only made use of the greyish tinge of the paper, the darker strokes of the pen, and a few white dashes of paint to depict shape and form. But she saw at once it was Henriette in the way the cheeks rounded, and in the pout of her small mouth. Sophie could even recognise the lace cap the child wore as one she had made herself and sent to Madame Marchal. Fabien looked down at the drawing.

“I think it is skilful, but then I know nothing of art.

”Sophie almost smiled at the thought the all-knowing Fabien didn’t know everything. But she had been taught to draw at the cloister school, and she knew how difficult it was to catch the likeness of a child.

“It is wonderful! Thank you!”

“I know how much you miss her. Why don’t you go to see her and my mother tomorrow? You have certainly deserved it.”

“I would like it very much.” Then in a moment of daring she added. “I wish you loved her too.”

“You think I don’t?”

“You barely even look at her.”

Fabien took the portrait from her and studied it.

“She doesn’t need me. You make enemies in my line of work, and I do what I can to keep my mother’s whereabouts a secret. And it’s better that no one knows the child who lives with her is my daughter. Imagine what could happen to Henriette if my enemies found out about her. It’s safer for her this way.”

Sophie put her hand on his and he didn’t move away.

“But if you love her, it must be so hard to to not allow yourself to show it?”

“It is.”

She looked down on her hand on Fabien’s, feeling bewildered. Sophie had had no idea this was what he felt about Henriette, and now she wondered if she had been wrong about more things. It was no surprise he had known how much she longed for Henriette, but she had not expected him to try to ease her feelings. Then it struck her she should not be so surprised; her memory could easily conjure up several moments of Fabien’s silent compassion. Only not since she came back to Versailles. What did it mean? Her tired mind didn't want to think, so to give herself time she changed the subject.

“What was Monsieur de Varade’s crime? You never told me.”

Fabien closed the casket and gave it back to her, and Sophie put it under her pillow.

“It’s complicated, and the whole story is for a time when we have rested properly, but he stole a great deal of money. He was cunning about it and hid the trail well, but then people who were too curious started to die. You were always an extra caution, and I wish it had been possible to keep you out of it. ”

Sophie remembered how he had looked when he came to fetch her, and believed him. He had not wanted to take her to the torture chamber, but he had done it anyway, because he was Fabien Marchal, and his duty always came first.

“I don’t object to be a decoy, but I should have been told about your plans. You frightened me; I was even afraid you thought I had conspired against you. You told me to trust you, but how could I when it was clear to me you didn’t trust me. And I didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark.”

“No, you did not.”

“So why did you do it?”

Fabien was quiet for a few moments, and when he spoke again he didn’t answer her question at once.

“I never expected much from you. To me you always seemed like any other young lady at court, beautiful but vapid. I agreed to take you into my service because I felt a small admiration for the courage and determination you showed to ask me, and I thought I could get some use out of you. But you showed a diligence and intelligence I had not anticipated. You surprised me more than once.”

He smiled briefly at his last words, and Sophie knew what he meant with surprise, and she blushed.

“I didn’t realise how much I relied on you, until you went away. And more than that; I found I missed your company in more ways than one. I comforted myself with the thought it was only a short period of time before you returned. But then you didn’t want to come back. And you made very clear you certainly didn’t want to come back to me.”

Sophie understood something.

“You were angry at me!”

Fabien nodded.

“Yes. I believe I was. But I should not have allowed it to cloud my judgement. You are right, I should not have acted like I did. I apologise.”

Something stirred inside Sophie; the hope she might not be as insignificant to Fabien as she had always believed. She had thought it was impossible for him to love her, but wasn’t that what he had said about her to his mother?

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come back to you. Fabien, you know what I feel for you. I know your mother told you.”

“I didn’t believe her. How could I?”

“No, I don’t suppose you could. Because of my mother. Always because of my mother.”

“Yes.”

“She will always be in my life, and yours too. I know that. But I also know who she was, and what she did. Did you know she tried to warn me when I went to England with Madame? I didn’t understand her, I didn’t know our destination then. Not until long after her death did I realise she must have known about the planned attack.”

“She did. I’m convinced she poisoned me at that particular time to prevent me from interfering.”

“Yes. But even if she warned me, she still sent me into harm's way. I probably would have been killed if the attempt had been successful because the only way an assassin could be sure he had found his target was to kill everyone in that carriage. She knew it, and she still didn’t stop me from going. I loved my mother, and I think she thought she loved me, but it was not like I love Henriette. I’d die first before I let anyone harm her. When she was born I realised that to my mother I was always more important to her as a means to an end than as a daughter.”

Sophie had thought about Beatrice and her actions many times and she thought she had got used to how painful these thoughts were. But saying it aloud hurt more than she foreseen as if voicing her pain to someone else made it more real.

Fabien reached out for her and pulled her into his arms, and Sophie let him without resistance. He said nothing, but it was a comfort to be held. One of his hands caressed her neck, gently rubbing the tense muscles there. Sophie could feel some of the stiffness ease away and she relaxed into his touch. Resting her face against his shoulder she spoke again.

“I think of my mother, and I wonder what I would do if I was in her place, knowing I was to die. I would ask to see my child one more time so I could kiss her goodbye. I would like to think my mother asked for me, but I don’t think she did.”

Fabien hesitated before he answered.

“No, she did not.”

His arms tightened around her. Sophie closed her eyes, his words brought another pang of misery, though she was not surprised.

“She was what she was. And I have forgiven her, but I’m not going to to allow her to rule my life. Or whom I love. I have forgiven you too, Fabien. I love you.”

Fabien buried his face in her hair, and Sophie nestled a little closer. To her surprise, it felt good to finally have told Fabien of her feelings. And he didn’t seem to mind; she had been afraid that if she ever told him, he would react with coldness and rejection. He murmured something into her hair in such a low voice she almost didn’t hear what he was saying.

“I am not a poet, Sophie; you should have words which suit your grace and beauty, but I can’t give them to you.”

Sophie straightened so she could see Fabien’s face.

“I don’t need poetry or eloquence. But I will ask you two questions, and I want you to answer with the truth. If I can put my mother in the past; can you do the same?”

This time there was no pause before he answered.

“Yes.”

“Do you love me, Fabien?”

“Yes. I love you and nothing I have felt before can compare with what I feel for you.”

Sophie’s heart felt like it was bursting with joy. She smiled at Fabien, and he smiled back before he gave her a tender kiss. When he released her, Sophie shifted in bed to make room for him.

“Sleep here with me, please, at least for a few hours.”

Fabien hesitated for a moment, but then he removed his boots and lay down beside her. His body felt warm and solid against her back. Sophie sighed, contented. She felt happy just like this with Fabien’s draped over her waist. They had a lot to talk about, but she would sleep now. There would be time for everything else when they had rested. She had almost fallen asleep when Fabien spoke.

“There may be a way we can marry.”

“The King will never agree.”

"Perhaps there is a way. He may allow a secret marriage. It would not be the first such alliance the King has blessed, though no one else knows about it, but me and the priest.”

This was something Sophie had not known about. For the briefest of moments she wondered if she could get Fabien to tell her who those couple were before she fully realised what it might mean for her and him.

“You think he would?”

“I don’t know, but I have never asked him for much. I hope he will see fit to grant it.”

Sophie found his hand under the blankets and squeezed it.

“I hope so too.”

Then she finally fell asleep, her last thought before sleep claimed her filled with happiness.